Posted by: Karen Joy | December 14, 2006

“You’d better have more kids!”

I used to participate a lot on the Sonlight Homeschool Curriculum forums.  A recurring theme among posts is mothers posting sadly about their need for their homeschooling “family” to rejoice with them regarding a new pregnancy, because the mom’s IRL extended family was heartbreakingly unsupportive of impending baby #3 or #4 or #8.

Every once in a while, I sulk a bit about what my mom is or is not, or was not during my childhood.  Then, I have a moment that reminds me of why God gave my mom to me, and how thankful I should be for her, in spite of the flaws she may have or have had.

We were just talking on the phone:  I wanted to let her know in advance that I was getting a babysitter for 8 month old Audrey, and just bringing my three boys to tonight’s concert.  (My stepdad is a middle school music & band teacher in the public school system, and the annual Christmas concert is tonight.)  Even though my mom & stepdad were just over last night, so it’s not like it’s been forever since she’s seen her only granddaughter, I knew if I showed up sans the bitsy that I would witness visible disappointment.  I wanted to give her some warning so she could deal with it beforehand.  She appreciated the call.  We got to chatting about Audrey, then the boys, and our family in general. 

She spoke about how Audrey seems to have been born at just the perfect time in our family, and how she feels that it’s greatly to Audrey’s benefit to be raised among sibs and by parents who love her so greatly and appreciate her uniqueness, and so dearly enjoy her infancy.  Then, my mom said, “I don’t know what your plans are for the future, but you’d better have more kids!”  Then, she sort of started back-pedalling, because she’s always been reticent to give advice, and as soon as the words came out, she thought that maybe she was being too pushy.  I assured her that her words were encouraging!  Basically, she thinks that our household is a near-ideal place for kids to grow in.  Wow.  What a vote of confidence.

I told her that we are semi-planning on baby #5, and she was so pleased!

As soon as we hung up, I started thanking God for her, and for her support of my motherhood, of Martin’s fatherhood, and our family in general.

It’s things like this that I store up in my heart, hoping to remember them when my children are grown and married, so that I can be a good mother-in-law and mother of my adult children.

Bless God for good moms.   

Posted in Extended Family Drama/News, Homeschooling, Introspective Musings, Parenting, The Dear Hubby, The Kids

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Responses

I sometimes wonder if the reason we don’t get that kind of encouragement is b/c our families think we’re doing a bad job. That makes me sad, but deep down, I really don’t believe that…or if they do believe that, then we don’t value the same things. But it would be nice to hear that kind of encouragment anyway.

By: bordermama on December 14, 2006
at 7:02 pm

Jill, I think it is more of a values thing than anyone else. Especially if your family doesn’t share your faith, they’re more likely to look at it from a totally pragmatic viewpoint — families w/ a lot of kids can’t possibly afford to give each child a college education, nor clothe them from pricey stores, nor give them all the toys they want — *and* they can’t understand why we wouldn’t necessarily *want* to do all those things. Some extended family doesn’t understand why we’re not interested in making things *easier* for ourselves. And, sadly, I think many haven’t experienced the joy of a healthy family, so they have no grid for why we’d want to keep adding to ours. Also, when I hear the argument about the cruelty of bringing kids into the big, bad world, *I* think, “All the more reason to help populate the earth with world-changers!” Even if the best world-changing that my kids do is to pass on heathy family to their own, then that’s a job well-done, IMO.

So, blessings to you & your motherhood, Jill. The proof will be in the pudding! KWIM? Your children *will* rise up and call you blessed, even if your folks don’t!

By: onlysometimesclever on December 15, 2006
at 11:01 am

Kids are a big blessing. I’m one of those blessings from a homeschool family!

By: Detective J on December 16, 2006
at 3:02 pm

I LOVE hearing about strong Christians having big families.

I wish we could have more kids, but I had rough pregnancies. I am very open to adoption, but God has to provide the $$ if He wants that to happen. :)

By: copacetic on December 17, 2006
at 12:29 am

“All the more reason to help populate the earth with world-changers!”

I love that. This is so positive. I get depressed about the state of the world and the type of world my son might be an adult in. I hope I can bring him up to be a changer rather than a complainer.

I’m sort of on the opposite end of the spectrum here, with plans to have only one child, but I have to say, my mother is so supportive of me in that decision. It is quite likely she will only have one grandchild, which I know many grandparents would feel disappointed about, but she has been totally unselfish about it and puts no pressure on me. Today I was feeling irritated about something very trivial my mum said but your post put into perspective that in the big things I will always have her support and I am so lucky for that.

By: Helen on December 17, 2006
at 8:24 pm

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