Thoughts on Christmas. Of course. And dreaming. And poetry.

I am really excited about Christmas, especially the presents, which is a switch for me.  I’m a terrible gift-giver.  I just never can think of what would be “just right” or the only thing I can think of is a bizillion dollars, or it would have taken a month to make and I’m out of time, or whatever.  It’s a lack of intuition plus inadequate planning, I guess.  Add to that the constraints of staying ON BUDGET, and it about wipes me out.  However, this year, we set aside some money well in advance.  And I’m excited about what I have planned for my family.  Although, also in the back of my mind linger the unpleasant memories of gifts that I thought were going to be AWESOME and they turned out to be a total bust.  It’s so much easier to remember the failures than the successes for me.  Something wrong about that….  Anyway.

I had my children make Christmas lists, which I don’t often do, as I think it’s a bit tacky and self-serving and can get their hopes up for that ridiculously over-priced Really Cool Present that they will never receive, like the CELL PHONE on my 12 year old’s list.  I know there are younger children with cell phones, but I looked at him and asked, “Really??” with the Mom Look:  One eyebrow arched, head tilted to the side, lips pursed, a heavy sigh written all over my face.

However, I need to let my children dream…  I’ve been convicted about that lately.  I caution them and prepare their hearts so well about our family’s values — which have a lot to do with Jesus and very little to do with materialism — that I caution them right out of dreaming.  I’ve specially noticed that about my oldest son, who is 14.  He is afraid to even have dreams, lest he be disappointed;  he doesn’t want to fix his heart on the impossible.  That’s startling, partly because that’s just like ME, and I have to fight just to allow myself to have dreams… and frankly, it’s not a super-healthy place to be.  I read “Hold Fast Your Dreams” by Louise Driscoll to him yesterday and suggested that it was a good poem for him (though “The Metal Checks“, also by Driscoll, is much more striking, as poems go, it wasn’t appropriate for the lesson at hand…).  And, I let the cell phone stay on Grant’s list.

Mine is almost identical to this one, mustache bridge and all. An upgrade from $50 firewood. In related news, pretty much all of our guitar-buying has been pre-1997, when we started having children.

For my younger two boys, Wes (age 10) and the aforementioned Grant, I’m having them memorize Luke 6:27-38, in light of the commercialization of the American Way to Have Christmas, and due to the fact that there has been way too much of, “Hey, that’s mine!  Give it back!” which makes me want to poke out my eye with a fork.  I slowly went over each verse with them, explaining that in God’s economy, if you give up something willingly, you always gain back in greater quantity and quality than what you yielded.  I used as an example:  In April 1994, I semi-unwillingly gave my $50 guitar — which was just this side of firewood — to my roommate who had, in my absence, started taking lessons with it.  It was hard, but I was intentional about being generous.  I got married in November of that same year, and my dear husband greatly surprised me with a Taylor guitar (815C model — jumbo with a Florentine cutaway) for our first Christmas!  I hadn’t even dared to hope — to dream — about my own super-fabulous guitar.  It was enough to play my husband’s.    Come to think of it, that was the first of many instances where my husband goes above and beyond where I dare to dream, when it comes to buying me presents.

Anyway.  I also explained to my boys that Jesus was blowing the minds of his hearers.  The Jews already had an unusual law forbidding lenders to charge interest.  Jesus was taking it one step further telling His followers that they were to give anything to anyone who asked, and not even expect repayment of the principle, let alone interest!  This is challenging, to be certain.  Very challenging.  But, it’s required.  Even for kids.  No more, “Hey, that’s mine!  Give it back!”

And, it must be mentioned, that the former roommate is now a professional musician.

“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. ²⁹ If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. ³⁰ Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. ³¹Do to others as you would have them do to you. ³² “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. ³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. ³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. ³⁶ Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. ³⁷ “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Cranberry-Almond Stickybread Recipe (GFCF, refined-sugar free)

Mmmm....

I came up with this recipe for a friend whose husband has been put on a really restrictive diet.  At first, I was disappointed, because my intention was to make a dough for rollable cinnamon rolls, but the dough was too wet so I had to glop it all in the baking dish.  My husband, however, vetoed my plans to rework the recipe.  “It’s perfect,” he proclaimed, stabbing his fork into the air as an exclamation.

Usually I make a recipe a number of times to work out the kinks… but after excellent results on the second time making it, I decided to go ahead and post the recipe.  I’m thinking I’m going to make this for Christmas morning.  I read up on Monkeybread, and I think the recipe would work in that style, too — in a Bundt pan, maybe even starting with frozen dough.  I’ll have to work on that, though.

This recipe uses no refined sugar:  honey and/or agave syrup are the only sweeteners.  I used egg whites, as my friend’s hubby can’t have yolks;  I think it would work without eggs entirely — if you try it without eggs, up the water content and leave a comment to let me know how it worked.  I used sweetened, dried cranberries, but any dried fruit would work (and would be necessary to make it truly sugar-free).  I used almonds, but pecans would work fine, too.

Last caveat:  The flours.  I use my favorite trio of gluten-free flours in this recipe, but you may find others that work just as well or better.  Post a comment if you alter the flours and let me know the result!

• Garbanzo flour is made by Bob’s Red Mill, or you can find it in any Asian market as besan, chana dal, chickpea flour, or gram flour.  Expect to pay about $5-6 for a 4-pound bag of garbanzo flour at the Asian market.  My favorite brand is Brar, which is a product of Canada (and which used to be labeled as gluten-free and is no longer… though there isn’t any cross-contamination warning on it).
• Mung bean starch is very common in Korean cooking;  most Asian markets are organized by nationality/region, so you’d find it on the Korean aisle.  Or Chinese.  I’ve purchased it from both.  It’s also known, cryptically, as green bean powder or green bean starch, since mung beans are small and green.  Mung bean starch is a bit pricey, at around $2.50 – 3.50 per pound in the store, and about double that online.
• You can find gluten-free oat flour in many well-stocked grocery stores, or mill your own in a blender, sifting it through a wire sieve afterward.

 

Cranberry-Almond Stickybread (click for printable PDF)
About an hour and ten minutes from start to finish
Makes 15 servings

• Grease a large baking dish (I use a 9″ x 13″ Pyrex, though size is flexible.  I also use Spectrum Organic non-hydrogenated Shortening to grease my pans.)
• Turn on your oven to 350°F for only 2 minutes.  Turn off.  This provides a warm location for dough to rise.

1¾ cup warm water
1 Tbsp yeast
2 Tbsp honey

• Gently combine water, yeast, and honey, and let sit (proof) for ten minutes

1½ cups garbanzo flour
1½ cups oat flour
1½ cups mung bean starch
¼ tsp cream of tartar
1 tsp sea salt
2 tsp xanthan gum

• Whisk together these dry ingredients in a large bowl.  Set aside.

4 egg whites

• When the yeast mixture is done proofing, whisk in 4 egg whites, stirring briskly to combine.
• Add the yeast and egg mixture to the flour mixture, whisking quickly and thoroughly to combine.  Set aside to rest about five minutes.

½ – ¾ cup honey OR agave syrup OR a combination of the two
2 tsp cinnamon

• Warm the honey to liquefy using a microwave for 10-15 seconds, or setting the container in a pan of very warm water.
• Stir briskly to combine the cinnamon with honey.

½ cup almond meal
½ cup blanched, slivered almonds (or other chopped nut)
½ cup sweetened, dried cranberries (or other dried fruit)

• Stir the dough, then with two spoons, drop spoonfuls of dough into the baking dish, using half to two-thirds of the dough.
• Drizzle about half of the honey-cinnamon mixture over the lumps of dough, then top with about 1/3 cup of the almond meal and all of the slivered almonds and dried cranberries.
• Drop the remaining dough in small lumps over the first layer.  Drizzle with remaining honey mixture and sprinkle with remaining almond meal.
• Place into slightly warm oven or other warm place and let rise for 20 minutes.
• Remove baking dish, cover with a clean kitchen towel, and preheat oven to 375°F for about ten minutes, for a total rising time of 30 minutes.  Dough will have doubled in size (or just a little less-than-doubled).
• Bake uncovered for 25-30 minutes, until top no longer feels spongy when touched lightly, and top is a nice, golden brown, and honey is sizzling along the sides of the dish.
• Cut into 15 servings.  Serve warm, with a side of dairy-free ice cream, or topped with whipped cream if you can have dairy.  (Tastes good cold, too, on the off-chance that there are leftovers.)

 

You can’t afford a baby.

Please read this post, a short-but-slightly-snarky response to Suze Orman, a financial adviser who recently told a couple that they couldn’t afford a baby, with its $700-1000 monthly expense.

I agree wholeheartedly with Connie, the author.

Having a baby in America CAN be expensive, but it doesn’t need to be.  I’ll never forget when I told a former neighbor that I was pregnant with my third and she sighed and said, “You’re so lucky.  I’d love a baby, but we just can’t afford it.”  It was all I could do to not let my jaw hit the sidewalk.  She and her husband lived — by themselves — in a 2500 s.f. house, had an RV, brand new vehicles, two ATVs, two Jet-skis, expensive mountain bikes, and who knows what else.  In other words, they could totally “afford” a baby if they got their priorities straight.  AND, yes:  it can be difficult and expensive if you have to have everything new and fancy and trendy, bottle feed, use childcare for when you go back to work at 6 weeks, and use disposable diapers.  But, heck.  Even name brand disposables will run you about $40-60/month.  NOT $700-1000.

Maybe this is inflammatory, but I also believe our American culture which values independence over community is partially to blame.  We’re disconnected from our extended families, we don’t root ourselves in a church family either, and we value income and material wealth over family.  Even things like baby showers and hand-me-downs are most often provided by our extended community, which we as Americans have less and less of.

Don't YOU need a $5768.89 crib??

I have a wooden cradle that is “making the rounds” between friends from church.  This DELIGHTS me.  I bought it for $40 from Craigslist, used it for my fifth baby (as I had given away a previous cradle), and now a third friend is about to use it for her her newborn, due in Feb. But, if you have to keep up with the Jones’ baby who had a $2,000 Bellini crib (or this $5,800 one!), you’re going to have a pricey infancy.  However, if you breastfeed, raise your own child, and don’t mind having used or hand-me-down things, it’s really quite inexpensive to raise a baby.

EDITED TO ADD:  One other thing… (can you tell this has struck a nerve???) I’m not suggesting that selling baby things is wrong, but I have learned that you get back what you give — sometimes literally, sometimes from elsewhere.  I have given away cribs, strollers, swings, clothes, countless other baby items, partly because I saw someone in need, and partly because I thought I was “done” with having children.  But, whatddya know??  It has ALL COME BACK to me. I have, in return, been given cribs, clothes, toys, slings — I don’t use swings anymore! — everything I need for a baby, when I did have need.  My youngest is three and the goods still keep pouring in.  Someone just gave us three bags of virtually brand-new girls toys — voila! Christmas for my 3 and 5yo girls. Whether you call it karma or attribute it Luke 6:38, or whatever, if you give, you will receive.  We are a panicked, hoarding society, and often fail to recognize that if we are generous, we’re going to be provided for.

At the grocery store last night (as interesting as my shopping expeditions always seem to be!)

I do my grocery shopping after our fairly late dinnertime, and I typically go to three or four different stores, some of them a 20-30 minute drive from my home.  With several stops plus drive time, it makes for a marathon 3-4 hour trip.  This places my shopping time at a later hour than your standard full-cart grocery-shopper.  At that hour, most people are stopping in hurriedly for a few items.  Not surprisingly, I guess, at ten or eleven at night, there seems to always be an interesting contingent of people about in the stores:  shoppers and employees both.  Historically, I have had so many odd interactions, that, now, as I leave our home, my hubby says, “And if anyone talks to you, just kick ‘em.”  I didn’t kick anyone last night.  But, people did talk to me, and I to them.

Highlights from last night:

• Chatting with the produce guy at Sprouts:  As I was selecting my red bell peppers (only $0.69 each, but on the small side.  I bought three.), he was stocking the cucumbers ($0.49 each.  I bought two.).  Nosily, I inquired into the reason for a customer being irritated with him, a few minutes earlier.  He said, “She asked me to pick out a good cantaloupe for her.  There aren’t any.  Yes, they’re only $1.25 each, but they all suck.  None are worth buying.  I can’t lie to my customers, so I told her not to buy any.  She still wanted me to pick out the best one for her, and I wouldn’t.”  I thanked him for his honesty, and told him I appreciate that sort of input, even if she doesn’t.  He then said, “In that case, don’t buy the watermelons, either.”  I laughed and walked away, thinking about how he called people “my customers.”  Is that a good thing that a 22 year old guy (or whatever) is taking responsibility for shoppers like that?  Or is it overstepping the realm of his authority?  I don’t mean steering shoppers from bad melons.  I mean, calling them “his customers.”  Are they his customers?  Is he the produce manager?  I don’t think so.  I don’t know.  I thought it was funny, in any case:  the fact that he considers those perusing the produce to be his customers, which would make me one of his customers, and I never considered myself as anything but a customer of the store itself.  Hmmm…
• At Fry’s, the checkout guy, a Hispanic in his early 40s (at a guess) asked me, “What do you make with these?”  “These” being a 60-count package of thin Arizona brand corn tortillas.  “Tacos,” I replied.  “I make a lot of tacos.”  He then asked me about what sort of meats I use, what seasonings, how I prepare the tortillas (softened in very hot oil), etc.  He was very impressed that I make shredded pork tacos, from scratch.  I almost invited him over for dinner.  (Not really.)
• On the way out, I touched another checker on the arm to say good-bye to him.  He has frequently been my checkout guy at that store, and we always chat.  He is 22.  I know that, because he referred to himself as being 22.  My heart always goes out to him, in a way that… makes me feel like God is placing him on my heart.  I pray for him almost every night on the way home from shopping.  We talked for a few, and then I said, “I always have to constrain myself from giving you a hug.”  He said, “You can give me a hug any time you like.”  I did.  Don’t worry.  He’s gay.  I thought about it, out in the truck, on my way home, what my motivations are.  Am I just trying to show someone God’s love?  Actually, I’m not trying.  I feel compelled.  I guess I didn’t start out our not-really-a-relationship with any agenda.  But, as a Christian, at some point, should I try to tell him about Jesus?  Or not?  I half don’t want Christianity to come into our conversation, ever, because I have a feeling, from previous asides and remarks, he’s not keen on Christianity.  On the other hand, I half-hope that it does, because, if he’s had ill treatment at the hands of Christians before, it would be lovely for him to realize that there are there is someone, at least, who is a Christian and who will hug his flamin’ self, and maybe that would translate into him realizing that Jesus truly loves him, too.  After giving it some consideration, I determined that, while my intentions aren’t specifically to proselytize, can I deny that I would want for him, what I have found for myself, in Jesus?  I can’t deny that.  His love, His power, His peace, His goodness…  We’ll see.  I hope, when the time comes, whatever the Father’s intentions are for me, in the life of that young man, if any… well, I hope I don’t miss it.

Baseball woes, family sadness and joy, donuts, and Colorado

• Dear Diamondbacks bullpen/closer(s):  You’re breaking my heart.  Or making me mad.  Or making me tempted to be resigned to a really milquetoast season.  Or something.  Still, I watch, sort of like how I am compelled to crane my neck at the results of a car crash.
• Sad/happy:  Seeing the family of the church step in to at least partially fill in the gaps when a real family disappoints.  (Not my own family;  I’m observing this in the life of a friend.)
• FABULOUS NEWS:  My sister, who is 31 weeks pregnant, has a serious genetic condition called Marfan Syndrome (that’s not the “good news” part), which can adversely effect the aorta.  A normal aortic root is 2.5 cm diameter.  Due to danger of aortic dissection, mandatory c-section threshold for Marfan patients:  4.0 cm.  Robin’s:  3.2 cm.  NO c-section.  The only “bummer” is that with a scheduled c-section, we’d be able to plan my trip out to be there for the birth with advance notice.  However, the importance of her not having a c-section is much greater than my “need” to be able to plan in advance.  Still, I don’t want to miss the birth.  And, by the way, she finally was able to get some real prenatal care, bless God!  (Kind of a long story, but she’s high risk, so needed an OB, but does not have the $6-8K that all of the doctors required in advance for patients paying cash, yet she makes too much money to qualify for low-income/free health care.  However, as if hearing her plea, just about 6 weeks ago, Texas A&M decided to open up a sliding-scale medical clinic in Austin, and it’s a perfect fit for her needs.)
• I need to write up my real review of how-could-you-not-love-them Kinnikinnick donuts.  The fact that the company sent me four boxes, for free, is weighing heavy on my conscience, when I have not yet repaid them with a review.  Ack.
• *FINALLY* got our reservations made for our trip to Colorado.  While we let things pend for a week and a half, a number of people swooped in and reserved “our” time at the cabin-of-choice, so now we’re stuck with plan B.  Oh, well.  Still, it’ll be good.  And we DO get some nights at “our” cabin, just not the solid week or so that we’d been planning on.  So, it’ll be three nights here, then three nights there, then back to the first spot for a couple more nights.   It’s not really a trip whose main purpose is to visit family, but we’re hoping to be able to coordinate time with various family members around the lovely state of Colorado…

Christmas, clothes, and too many “Bud Vase”s, year-end video

• I recently was going to post about how dearly I love wee flowers, brought to me by my kids, cheering my world in the bud vase on my counter top.  This sweet image, though, has been overridden by my husband overhearing my 3yo daughter saying, “Bud vase,” and thinking she was saying something naughty… then, him laughing hysterically about it, the all the boys catching on, and now, days later, my husband and me up to our EARS with the boys calling each other, “Bud Vase.”  (Say it aloud.)
• 

  The five best kids ever (and the doggie), Christmas morning

  Christmas!  I have only a few grainy pics from my phone.  Ugh.  However, my Dad tells me that, rather than repairing my camera (which he’s had since… June?  July?), that he’s going to buy me a new one!  That’s fabulous.  We’ve been essentially camera-less since April, and that’s a long time.  Anyways.  Christmas was great — lovely, happy, full of family warmth.  On The Day, we had my Mom & Stepdad, Martin’s Dad & Stepmom, my brother, his wife, and two of their three boys (the other in California with my SIL’s parents) over for the afternoon and evening, eating a non-traditional dinner of Thai omelette soup (I should post a recipe!).  Our home was full, loud, and happy.  And, GOD PROVIDES.  If I went into detail, I’d be typing forever.  So, suffice it to say that our Christmas, which we all thought would be spare and lacking in provision, was overflowing.  Overflowing.  God is so good;  He’s amazing.

• I am now a size 6.  I haven’t been a size 6 since before I had kids.  I now weigh less than I did before I got pregnant with my oldest, who is now 12½.  But, even there, God provides!!  Slacks on clearance at Macy’s for about $10 each, plus some borrowed jeans from a sweet friend who also has recently, unintentionally lost weight and is now a size 4!  So, I have four pairs of jeans on loan from her, two sixes, and two eights.
• 

  The little rosette, the heel height & shape, the rounded toe... perfect

  Not really size-related, but I also found a FABULOUS pair of black pumps on the 26th.  I haven’t been this excited about shoes in a long time… mostly because we just don’t have the money to get as many shoes as I would LIKE, so I typically purchase shoes that are sensible and long-lasting, rather than cute… Then I admire the shoes of my pastor’s wife, Nancy.  However, I found these for $6.99 on clearance at Ross, so I figured I could spend seven bucks on some totally insensible shoes.  I’m so excited about them, I wore them to the grocery store last night.  Hahahahaha!  I have huge feet — size 10.  But, as I’ve lost those nearly-30 pounds, I have discovered that my feet have shrunk a bit.  Who knew?  I had fat feet.  So now, I can wear a 9½ again — and these shoes are even 9W!  They’d be better in a slightly larger size, but this was the only pair Ross had. 

• Our church’s year end video…  FANTASTIC.  Many on here have commented about my church’s dynamics.  If you would like to see it in action, there’s a nearly-34 minute video here.  In a way it’s a best-of-the-year video, and in a way, it’s just really typical as to what takes place.  My whole fam is mixed in there…  Some personal highlights are:  My older two boys quoting Psalm 102 at 1:22;  My hubby leading worship at 5:07 (he’s in LOTS of other places, too); Me leading worship at 5:20;  Audrey being a “PUWH-son” at 12:36… And my son Ethan at the soundboard at the very end. 

YAY! Shoes for Audrey, and $10 coupon for you, too

I have searched, for likely too long for the last couple of days, trying to find a reasonable price on Skechers Twinkle Toes for Audrey.  She saw a commercial on Saturday (which is pretty much the only time she sees TV that has commercials), and started squealing over the shoes.  On Sunday, there was an ad for a local shoe store that is selling the shoes.  I showed it to Audrey.  She kept the ad, and is now sleeping with it.  Sleeping with it.

However, those shoes are stinkin’ 40 bucks!  Or, maybe $35, depending on where you purchase them.  I just can’t spend that.  I searched in vain for a better deal — Craigslist, eBay, every website and shopwiki imaginable.  I just could not find a pair for less than $35, shipping included, in Audrey’s size.

Plus… the reviews I read for these shoes were spotty, at best.

Aargh.  My daughter’s in love with expensive shoes that fall apart!

Then — and I dearly hope I’ve done the right thing — I found a similar pair of shoes that got much better reviews, and was $25.  $25 is still more than I think I’ve ever paid for a pair of kids’ shoes.  I think she will adore them;  I don’t know if she will think they are Twinkle Toes or not… or if the sequins that are on these shoes will be enough special sparkle.

Audrey is not bratty and demanding; normally I know she would ADORE the shoes I’ve purchased.  But, I really do want to give my kids things for Christmas that they want.  (This is the only thing we’re purchasing for Audrey.  I got a lovely white wood doll crib and high chair off of Freecycle that needs some minor refurbishing.  That, and the shoes, will be her Christmas presents.)

Although my website has forever been totally non-commercial, I decided to go ahead and post a coupon to a site where I finally found the BEST deal.  They currently have a coupon code “SHOP” that will get you 20% off, plus free shipping.  They also have free return shipping, in case the shoes don’t work out.  And, in interests of full disclosure, if five people click on this and use it, I will get a $100 giftcard, which would be nice. 

Save on shoes, accessories, handbags and apparel at Shoebuy.com. We’ve got something for everyone and for a limited time, you can save $10 on that special something. Valid on purchase of $50 or more.

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Christmas, fake trees, colds, honey-as-medicine, yummy cereal, CHICKEN MEAT ALLERGY, and fabulous gingerbread cookies

• We all have a cold around here.  Not enough to be debilitating, thank God, but enough to sap our energy and make us all rather grumpy.  I’ve been trying to combat that by doing CHRISTMAS stuff, somewhat to no avail.
• We finally put up our tree on Saturday.    This is our second year of a fake Christmas tree.    We had the revelation a couple of years ago that Wesley’s asthma-like-clockwork which started in December of each year was tied to pine trees.  Duh.  We should have been able to figure that out previously, because he’d have asthma each time we went on vacation, too, which would — almost without exception — be to somewhere forested.  Ah, well. (Sorry for the lame cell-phone-camera pics.)
  

  Fiala exclaims, "Pribby!" (pretty!) and she's only broken two ornaments so far!

• I read on Friday that raw honey was shown in a scientific study to be MORE effective than dextromethorphan (DM) to inhibit coughing in kids.  I put it to work last night!  I didn’t have raw buckwheat honey (as in the study), but I have YS organic raw, unfiltered, unpasteurized, super-enriched honey.  That stuff is the bomb!  It tastes weird if you’re used to normal honey, but I LOVE the taste now.  The same can’t be said of my dear son, Wes.  Last night, he was coughing up a storm, so I mixed up a little concoction of a spoonful of raw honey mixed into a few ounces of warm water, with some organic lemon juice, and a few droppersful of colloidal silver.  He was not pleased.  But, I made him choke it down, and, VOILA!  No more coughs.  All night.  You can bet I’ll be doing that again!
• The good news?  My absolute fave gluten-free cereal (not that I can eat it right now), Erewhon’s Crispy Brown Rice with Mixed Berries is on clearance for only $2.24 a box at my local Fry’s grocery.  The bad news?  That likely means they will no longer carry it.    (The last time I posted about my love for this cereal, Erewhon contacted me and asked if I wanted “samples” of their g.f. cereal.  I said, “Sure!” envisioning, you know… samples.  I was blown away when a large brown box containing SEVEN full-sized boxes of cereal was shipped to my home.  But, this was right after I started the phase of “only” eliminating Fiala’s 17 known allergens, and I couldn’t eat any of them, as they all contained one or more of her allergens.  However, the kids liked all of the cereals, especially the Aztec Crunchy Corn & Amaranth.  They also really liked the Strawberry Crisp, though most of the flakes were pulverized by shipping — I guess — and they were more like cereal crumbs with added strawberries.  Still tasty, though.)
• This next thing is so weird it really deserves its own post.  First, I will state that I have had leg pain in my thighs for YEARS.  Years.  It’s deep in the muscle, from right above my knees, up into my hips.  It ebbs and flows, and at its worst, it will wake me up at night and I have to go take some Tylenol.  I have seen doctors about this, and the best that anyone can hypothesize is that since I have celiac disease, and don’t absorb nutrients well, perhaps my body is not absorbing calcium well, and, as one’s body needs to maintain a certain level of blood calcium, my body is pulling the calcium out of my largest bones, leading my bones/deep muscles to ache.  Now, this may still be true, but this past summer, a doctor finally ran a couple of tests on me, including several ways to measure the different levels of calcium in my blood, and they were spot on.  In fact, they were a tad too high, likely from me pumping the calcium supplements.  Well, a few weeks into the Total Elimination Diet with Fiala, I realized that my legs were not hurting.  At that time, I had the thought that maybe my leg pain was caused by some allergy in me!  I’m very slow to put two and two together — or, I’ll have some sort of revelation, then forget all about it, and be forced by my forgetfulness to rediscover it all over again.  However, after about the 3rd time trialling chicken — whereby both Fiala and I would eat a little portion,with no seasoning — I realized that a) Fiala didn’t like chicken at all, and b) about two days after eating chicken, my leg pain came back.  Every time.  HOWEVER, like I said, I’m forgetful.  So, this past Friday night, we bought a mess of wings for the kids, and I caved and gave a couple to Fiala.  By the end of the 2nd, her eyes were rimmed with red, and she was clawing at her face.  Duh.  I ate four.  Then, on Sunday (yesterday), I realized my leg pain was back, with a vengeance.  Double duh.  I had forgotten about the chicken=pain revelation of just a couple of weeks ago.  But, in a way, that was confirmation, because it was like running a blind experiment!  Ha!  I can’t find a whole lot of info online about chicken meat allergy, and the info that’s there is mostly of the “typical” allergy symptoms — Oral Allergy Syndrome, itching, wheezing, vomiting.  A couple of places mention joint pain, but although my hip joints do hurt, it mostly hurts deep in the muscle:  it feels like — honestly — like the muscle is deteriorating.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  When it hurts, I feel compelled to kind of punch my legs with the side of my fist, like a deep muscle massage.  But, that doesn’t help much, if at all.  Anyways.  The weird thing is, I have NEVER really liked chicken.  Give me a choice on a menu, and I will almost never choose chicken.  It’s not like I despise chicken;  it’s just never been my preference.  I love beef.    So, whether or not deep muscle pain is “supposed” to be a symptom of a chicken meat allergy or not, I can tell you that I will likely never eat chicken again.  I have the hint of exhilaration in my heart, with the thought of never having leg pain ever again.  I’m not sure how this is going to play out in my family, because my husband ADORES chicken, and there are many weeks where I don’t buy beef at all because it’s so expensive!  (And I really hope that this is chicken MEAT allergy, and that I’m not allergic to eggs.)  So, that is unresolved.
• 

  Mmmm...

  Last thing:  We made cookies!  Sunday morning, the helpers and I made the dough.  In the evening, we cut out and baked the cookies, and today we iced them.  We now have about 8 dozen  GFCF Gingerbread cookies, with royal icing thinned with lemon juice, and topped with sprinkles.  I altered my recipe just a tad, and they turned out even better.  Now, I just need a little of that self-control that everyone keeps telling me I have, because I’ve eaten three cookies.  These cookies are so good.  Seriously.  I should sell them.  I’m only about, oh, 60% confident in the wide appeal and money-making potential in most of the things that spring from my mind and hands.  But, these cookies (and the sugar ones, too, which we will make later this week or next) ROCK.  No gluten, no dairy — but they have that firm/chewy texture that cut-out cookies SHOULD have, and that gluten-free cookies rarely DO have.  The recipe has a lot of ingredients, but it’s worth it.  Make yourself some!!

• Dear Glade:  Instead of filling my home with fake “homemade” gingerbread cookies from a chemical-laden candle, I’d much rather fill my home with the real aroma of real cookies, actually homemade.  Thankyouverymuch.

Setbacks

Today was tough.

I talked with my mom this morning, following up with her about a doctor appointment she had yesterday afternoon.  Among other things, she said that she still has an infection in her lungs, and that the doctor prescribed the same antibiotic as a couple of weeks ago.

The same one that made her vomit around the clock for the seven days she was on it.  (Which she didn’t tell me about until day six.)

My thoughts were:

a) She would not be getting the medication she needs if she pukes it up.
b) She’d lose MORE weight (she’s already the thinnest I can ever remember, going back to my childhood).
c) There are MULTITUDES of other antibiotics out there that would likely do the trick.
d) As she’s recovering from extensive blood clots, pulmonary emboli, pneumonia, a trip to the ER and a 3-day stay in the hospital, well, she doesn’t need an additional seven days of unnecessary illness;  she needs to be strong in order to recover.

Her thoughts were:

“Well, the doctor is the expert.  If that’s the medicine she thinks I need to take in order to recover, I’ll just have to tough it out.”

I proceeded to get probably more upset with my mom than I have in as long as I can remember.  I couldn’t understand why she didn’t say something to the doctor!  I don’t know why she didn’t advocate for herself!  And there she was, as we spoke:  On one hand, she was completely planning on taking the antibiotic.  On the other hand, it was there, sitting on her desk, staring at her, and she was dragging her feet to start the round of medication because she knew it would make her so ill.

I asked for her doctor’s number.  She said, “Well, if you’re going to harangue someone, I’d rather have it be them than me.”  I apologized. 

I did call the doctor.  About 20 times.

The office, which has short hours on Fridays, had a meeting of some sort that lasted the entire 3½ hours that they were supposed to be open.  On about the 20th time calling, I finally left a message with the answering service, not all that hopeful of a return call, but feeling somewhat desperate, because I didn’t think it could wait until Monday.

The doctor called me about 10 minutes later.  Bless God.  It turns out that my mom had already put me in her HIPAA as someone to whom information could be released.  The doctor was very kind and accommodating, and confirmed that she would never have prescribed that antibiotic if she would have known that it made my mom so ill.  I also asked how it could be that my mom could still have a “lung infection” yet not have pneumonia, which was my mom’s impression of the state of her health.  Mom was mistaken.  She does still have pneumonia.

The doc wrote up a new prescription.  I put Fiala down for a nap, sent Wesley to a quiet time, put Ethan in charge, and took Audrey and Grant with me in the truck.  I drove to the doctor’s office, knocked on the back door, and collected the rx, along with the doctor’s suggestion that perhaps I should accompany my mom to future doctor’s visits (I agreed).  I drove to my mom’s to pick up the “bad” prescription, in hopes that the pharmacy would accept it as a return and refund the $40 copay.  Drove to the pharmacy, asked in vain for a refund for the other prescription, and waited for the new one.  Thankfully, it was only $5.  Five bucks.  For generic Bactrim, which is very easy on the stomach.  (Makes me cynically wonder if the doctor has an agreement with the other name-brand antibiotic’s drug rep or something — why didn’t they prescribe a generic in the first place???)

So, now my mom is on Bactrim.  And back on oxygen full-time, 24/7.  At least, she’s supposed to be.  Both times today I stopped into her home, she did NOT have the oxygen on.  Well, the machine was on, but it was not on her.

~sigh~

Throw into the above a hellish 1½ trip to Walmart (which I hate) in which all five of the kids had rotten behavior — for only which Fiala was excused.  And, picking up a present I had ordered for some friends who are to be married tomorrow.  And a haircut (FINALLY) for Wesley.

Then, my hubby suggested we pick up some wings for the kids.  I thought that was a fabulous idea.   (He went to the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner tonight, but he managed to “snack” on a dozen wings before he left  )  As I was fixing Fiala’s lamb-burger, she could smell the mild and BBQ wings, and kept saying, with increasing volume and interest, “Mmmmmmmmmm.  MMMMmmmmm.   MMMMMMMMMMMmmm.”  I caved.  I rinsed off the BBQ sauce, and gave her a wing to gnaw on.  Then a second.  By the end of the 2nd one, she was absolutely clawing at her face, and she was red everywhere — cheeks, around her eyes, around the eczema lesions she already has.

~SIGH~

Now, it’s 7:30.  I’m going to get the girls in bed, let the boys watch a bit of TV (How It’s Made), and finally dust the front room so that I can feel good about FINALLY decorating for Christmas and maybe even getting the tree up.

I feel tightly wound up.  And a bit sad.  And more than a bit frustrated. 

Sorry for whining.  I did just want to WRITE this, plus, at times, I feel like my blog — because I want to be careful not to complain — ends up appearing as The Best of My Life, rather than my real life.  It’s a delicate balance.

Mismatched shoes, “love you man”, baking, babies, and books

• Saturday.  Shopping at Trader Joe’s.  Baby Fiala with me.  I’m shifting in the check-out line, biding my time.  My feet feel weird.  I look down.  I am aghast to discover that I had on one BLACK shoe and one BROWN shoe.  I was sssssooooo embarrassed that I had to confess to the check-out lady.    I can’t recall that I’ve ever done that — wear mismatched shoes out of the house, that is.  I think I’ve randomly confessed to checkout ladies at the grocery store before, though!!  Hahaha!  The shoes were vaguely similar in style, but one had a hard sole and the other soft;  I can’t figure out quite how I could let that happen.  I so wanted to take a pic, but the battery on my phone died.
• We’re not doing a gingerbread house this year.  The deadline for judging was November 30, which would have meant we would have had to spend the week of Thanksgiving doing the house.  That wouldn’t work.  I thought the kids would be crushed, but they weren’t.  They just asked, “Are you still going to make a bunch of cookies?” and I assured them that I would, but I still haven’t. 
• I still love farinata.  I still make it every day, sometimes twice.  I don’t let the batter sit for four hours first though;  I can’t figure out why most recipes instruct you to do that!  I just whip it up and pop it in the oven.  Some brands of garbanzo flour, I’ve found, are lumpier than others, and benefit from, oh, 15 minutes of sitting.  But not four hours.  My fresh rosemary plant is plucked to twigs;  I had to buy some fresh sprigs at the grocery store  last night!!
• Thanks to my friend Allison, we’ve been enjoying the Horatio Hornblower series as a family.  Love it.  My hubby and I did see the first four when they first aired on A&E years ago, but we haven’t seen the newer four episodes.  Everyone in the fam has been watching it.  Then, come to find out that there are BOOKS upon which they were based (written in the 1950s & ’60s).  Duh.  Should have figured that out long ago.  An e-mail just popped in from the library to to tell me that the first two in the series, by C.S. Forester, are now available to pick up.  The boys will be thrilled!  I was told that the Hornblower novels were based on Horatio Nelson’s life, but at least according to Wikipedia, maybe they weren’t — at least not entirely.
• My hubby and I swapped trucks on Friday, so he had the nicer one in which to pick up a guy from the airport.  I thought this was FABULOUS.  It tells you that a) his truck has a LOT of miles on it, and b) the guy who does work on our vehicles is a really good friend!!!
• I still don’t have my Christmas decorations up.    I want to have my house perfectly clean before decorating, and, um, it’s not.  I was just reflecting that, in general, this has been my worst year of housekeeping EVER.  Fiala is such a precious, happy little girl, but she has been very time-consuming, and as she still wakes about every 3 hours, 24/7, to nurse, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in, oh, a year.  That saps the energy, lemme tell you.  I’ve been thinking about asking my hubby for once-a-month maid service for Christmas, just to do dusting/polishing.  I can get everything else done (usually), or assign it to one of the children as a chore, but I’m sickened (not literally) by the 1/4″ of dust that piles up on everything.  Then, it picks at the back of my mind and drives me batty.
• Speaking of housework, I’m now off to mop the floors!!  I get odd satisfaction of having REALLY clean tile floors.  Nothing like a crawling baby to tell you whether or not a floor is clean.
• OH!  Speaking of crawling babies, Fiala is now almost-walking.  She still prefers crawling when she needs to get somewhere in a hurry, but she regularly takes steps now.  Her record is 16 in a row.  We all get excited and exclaim and clap, whereby she promptly sits down.