Step into my garden…

On Thursday, I spent a couple of hours with two friends — one new and one I’ve loved for nearly 20 years.  Just Audrey and Fiala accompanied me.  Between we three moms, there were seven little girls playing together, mostly very happily, and eating lunch while the mothers enjoyed conversation, truncated by hugs for scraped legs and correction for bratty behavior and determining to where one’s child had run.

I really like the new friend.  And, she has a very unique life story.

The thing that has stuck with me, though, is this:  It was her first time ever — EVER — to meet up with other moms.  Ever.  She has been seriously ill for pretty much her entire adult life;  at one point, only about two years ago — while pregnant with her second child — she was given two weeks to live.  She pulled through, obviously.  But, she has literally been on the edge of death, where every day finds her in literal survival mode, rather than, “Oh, with whom should we lunch today??”

I’m quite an introvert.  I could happily live down a five-mile dirt lane and only see folk when I came into town, contentedly spending the vast majority of my days in the presence of only my immediate family.  There’s enough here at home to keep me busy, pretty much forever.

However, God has called me into relationship, outside my immediate family, and that’s a good thing.

I find myself often reminding my son Grant (the one who is high-functioning autistic) that he doesn’t live on an island by himself;  he lives in a world of people, and there’s no use pretending that others don’t exist.

Perhaps there’s more of me in Grant than I’d care to admit.

BUT.  I can say with some triumph that I have learned — had a revelation, really — over the last fifteen years or so, that we truly were created to be interconnected.  Independence is not the most exalted status.  Interdependence is, where I help you, and you help me, and we bless each other.   Where we carry each other’s burdens, and exult in their joys, as well.

So, on one hand, I don’t find myself going stir-crazy when I’ve not left my home for days on end.  I’m actually more peaceful under those conditions… like a mini-vacation from reality.  But, on the other hand, I do understand that even if it’s my “natural” tendency, isolation isn’t healthy for anyone, and I need others, and frankly, they need me.

With those thoughts tossing around in my mind, it felt significant to be a small part of this young mom’s “coming back to reality” as she recovers.  She well-understands the need for relationship;  it’s just that she has literally been unable to concentrate on forming friendships, as her time and energy have been severely sapped by long-term, profoundly serious illness.

I just felt… I can’t quite articulate it.  I just feel the value of relationship, of friendship, of time spent together, how incredibly important it truly is.

I hope we get together again, and soon.

Step into my garden...
(No, this is not really my garden. I mean, figuratively. Please click on the photo to take you to the blog original photographer of this lovely visual, Dora Sislian Themelis...)

Garden! Health! Books! Road trip! Working!

I really don’t have writer’s block.  I’ve written countless posts in my head!  They’re just not happening in real life.

So…  small updates:

• 

  They're even prettier in real life. I have some that are downright purple on the outside, but the interior is bright orange. Lovely!

  Garden:  It’s beautiful and flourishing, and it feels fabulous to eat my own hand-raised, organic veggies.  It is truly decreasing my need to buy vegetables from the store.  It has taken a while — more than a year — to really get GOING and productive.  And, I still have lots and lots and lots to learn… it’s one of those areas of learning where you can never know ALL there is to know.  Ever.  Interestingly, though, I don’t mind that.  Normally, I get a little cowed by problems with unending possible solutions;  I like things that I can wrap my head around.  However, I find that gardening is enjoyable even when I will never know everything there is to know.  My most recent discovery:  When the planting schedule says that you shouldn’t plant your green beans until March 15, February 20-something really IS too early, and your seeds really WILL rot in the ground when planted too soon.  Bummer.  A triumph, though:  My hubby is taking my gardening seriously.  I tend to get interested in things, and hit them hard for a few weeks or a few months, spend too much money on them, then my interest and devotion fizzles, which amounts to a lot of time and money wasted.  So, he wasn’t robustly supportive of my garden plans, initially.  Now, he TOTALLY is, probably because I’ve been faithful, instead of just excited.    And he can see the benefit.  Last garden note:  You MUST grow these carrots.  I scrub them and we eat them unpeeled.  They are gorgeous and tasty.

• Fiala’s health:  I wish I could say that she is 100% better, but I can’t.  She does continue to improve, and it is absolutely clear that her major struggle IS with a candida infection.  However, it is taking longer to clear than I had hoped.  And, she is not self-regulating.  She is happy to “steal” a banana or a jar of honey, or even pull a carrot from the garden, whenever the opportunity presents itself.  Then, the yeast in her system feeds on that sugar, and we have a setback that takes a week or two from which to recover.  So, it’s kind of like three steps forward, two-and-a-half steps back.  She still has head-to-toe “eczema” — which really isn’t eczema — and it’s worse in some places than in others.  But, she has no open, oozy wounds, and over all, her skin, disposition, and general health has improved by, oh, about 40%.  She is on oral and topical Nystatin, plus probiotics, colloidal silver, and grapefruit seed extract (in capsules).  Plus a no-sugar diet, minus the 1/3 cup or so daily of blueberries — her lone joy in food.  Actually, it’s funny, because now that we’re aware that SUGAR in food is her main problem, I’ve been letting her sample various sugar- and starch-free foods, and she just doesn’t like most of them.  So, her diet is still very, very simple, very limited.
• My own health:  I have improved SO GREATLY on a low-carb, sugar-free diet.  Not only have I lost about 15 lbs, but instead of getting neck-to-thighs hives every single night, that lasts for HOURS and to be relieved only by a double-dose of Benedryl, I’ll get a patch here, a patch there, about twice a week, and it lasts for 20-30 minutes or so.  So, I’m not 100% healed, either, but I’m getting close.
• Books:  I should really do a whole post on “Books I’m Trying to Read.”  I normally only read one book at a time, but I’m partway through about six books right now, none of which I want to put down, and for none of which I actually have TIME to read right now.  The only one I’ve actually finished has been The Confession by Charles Todd (see next bullet point).  And that took me nearly two weeks of whittling away…  The others have taken — are taking, actually — much longer.
• Road trip!  Two friends and I drove to Prescott a couple of weeks ago.  It was a treasure of an afternoon — such a pleasant drive of wonderful conversation, lunch together, then a really awesome two-hour meet-the-author presentation by Charles Todd, which is actually a mother-and-son team.  They were both present, and were such engaging speakers.  It was interesting from all angles:  as a writer, as someone interested in WWI (the setting for all their books), as a semi-Anglophile, as a fan…  I’ve read all of their books, save one.  My friends and I had lunch was at The Raven Cafe.  I had researched which places had a gluten-free menu, and when we got to Prescott, my friend Kathy said, “After lunch, I hope we have time for the best cup of coffee in Prescott.  It’s at The Raven.”  The Raven was already on my short list of g.f. lunch spots!!  It has such wonderful ambiance, and it stocks GLUTEN FREE BREAD.  With my low-carbiness, I haven’t had bread in a couple of months.  But, I broke with that for an amazing turkey melt sandwich with avocado, muenster cheese, and other good things, with a side of amazing sweet potato fries with garlic aioli.  I was in heaven.  The whole afternoon, I was in heaven.  It was perfect.  Kathy kept saying, “Is this really real?  Is this really happening?  Am I really in Prescott with two of my dear friends???”  Now, I think I need to come up with more reasons to take little drives and spend a good chunk of a day with my friends.  The whole experience is still glowing in my heart, two weeks later.
• Jobby-things:  I know a while back I said I wasn’t going to make any writing-related work, but I had already told my author-friend Marietta I’d give her most recent book my once-over.  So, I’ve been working on that.  I also co-taught a small workshop on prophetic singing, which was a complete and total joy.  I was absolutely shocked when I was handed a check for payment.  It was a little disturbing, actually.  I had to ask my pastor what he thought I should do with the money, and he said, “Keep it.  You’ve invested hours of your time and commitment learning about this, making the teaching notes, investing in the prophetic and singing.  Keep it and enjoy the fruits of your labor.”  So, I am.  Haven’t cashed it yet, though.

Fiala health update. :)

It appears we’re on the right track with Fiala’s health.  She isn’t healed up quite enough for me to have full-on hope, but the hope is glimmering.  Last night, I talked with a woman who, 30 years ago, almost died from a systemic Candida infection, and comparing her story to Fiala’s was a confirmation.  Not that Fiala almost died.  But, much of what Fiala is experiencing, the lady had, too.  And she knows Fi well enough that, once I suggested to her that Fi may have Candida, it was like a light switched on for her, “Oh, yes… of course… why didn’t I think of that???”

We see the naturopath next week.  I’m going to ask for stronger antifungals.  Nystatin is working juuuuuussssst well enough to help, but it really has only made a small dent on Fiala’s head-to-toe symptoms.  Although — I know this is a little strange — I do know that fungal infections can be very slow to heal, and I know this because our dog suffered from Valley Fever, which is also fungal.  It took her most of a year to come back to full health.

At our favorite restaurant (the only one where everyone likes the food and there's something everyone can eat), Fiala's normal meal of plain refried beans and plain lettuce has been upgraded to having cheese on top, and a side of sliced avocados. She's in heaven.

The place which has had the most improvement is on her scalp.  From ear to ear, across the top of her head, Fiala had crust, a good ¼” thick in places, like the worst bout of cradle cap you’ve ever seen.  She lost quite a bit of hair from it, and for the last couple of months, when we go any place public, most of the time, I have her wear a hat, because it’s just scary/sad to look at, and freaks people out.  I was looking at hear head last night, and though her hair is thin, it is probably 80% healed, which is just amazing.

Fi’s chin is significantly better, as well.  It’s red and rashy, still, but not oozy, crusty, and bloody.

Other places on her body have slightly improved, and some not so much.  That may be because we could use up the 30g tube of Nystatin in a day or two if we followed the instructions to apply it to “all affected areas” three times a day.  Instead, we have to make the tube last for at least a week.  So, she’s not getting great coverage on “all affected areas” which is virtually every square inch of her body.

Fiala is still on a sugar-free and starch-free diet, minus a small ration of blueberries daily — her one joy!  I’ve even tried some protein-type foods, just to see how she’d handle it:  chicken, hard cheese, almonds…  I’m still leery of pretty much everything, and it’s hard to tell often when something has an ill effect.  But, so far, so good.  Fi doesn’t like chicken, though, we’ve discovered.  She adores cheese.  “Orange cheese?  Can I have orange cheese?”  And we’re only two days into an almond trial, so it’s too early to tell, but she does adore them, and is very excited to be eating almonds.    Precious girl.

Unrelated to health, the other day, I was making dinner, and my girl who lives to “snug” came up to me with arms upstretched and said, “Mama, will you please hold me?”  Now, normally, I would plop right down on the kitchen floor for a few snugs, at least, but I was in a terrible hurry, and said, “Oh, Fi.  I’m so sorry, but I can’t hold you right now.”  She flopped down in despondency, and wailed, “But I can’t hold myself!”  Ha!  So true.  We can’t hold ourselves.  That’s why we need Jesus, and the Body of Christ, and the support of family and friends….  She’s a good reminder of all of that, to me.  I’ve been giving much thought lately to how the things that the enemy has meant for our destruction, the Father — as is His specialty — turns it into a blessing, and for the benefit of many.  I feel like that, even though our three-year battle with Fiala’s health is not over.  She is so worth it.  So very, very worth it.

Surviving low-carb.

Good news:  I think I’m surviving the super-low-carb diet well, but

Bad news:  it’s apparent that only one week of it is not going to clear up my Candidiasis.

Good news:  I’m definitely less itchy, over-all, and have had fewer hives, but

Bad news:  in the six nights on this diet, I’ve still had hives four of them, including last night — big welty hives all over my legs and belly and hands.  I took Benedryl, and that cleared up most of them, but was still restless and unable to sleep well from itchy, burning fingers and toes.

Good news:  I have lost 4.5 lbs in one week.  Actually, six days.  That’s great.  Even if my self-diagnosis of Candidiasis (based on symptoms and the fact that Fi has it, too) is wrong, at least I’m losing weight.

I’ve spent very little time feeling hungry.  I’m sometimes not satisfied with the selection of safe/appropriate foods I can eat;  I’d really rather dive into that bag of Kettle Chips or finish off the Godiva Dark Chocolate Gems my sister got me for Christmas.  But, a little self-control never hurt anybody, right?  As my friend Kim predicted, day five was the worst for cravings.  I didn’t cave, though.  Well, I DID have one piece of dark chocolate.  3g sugar.  That was it.

For the record, I am shooting for 30 net carbs or fewer, daily, and at least 15 carbs of dietary fiber.  In real life, most days are around 35 carbs.  The fewer carbs from sugars the better.  I don’t give a rip about fats.  I eat lots of fat.    Healthy fat.  I eat lots of protein, too…  I’m not shooting for a particular goal on protein, though.  I’m also not trying to stick to a particular “way” of eating.  I mean, my diet is Paleo-ish, but I’m happily putting half and half in my morning coffee, and slices of cheese with my lunch.    I don’t really care if my diet fits within the standards of any prescribed way of eating;  it’s just what works for me.

I have decided that for each day I am at less-than-30 carbs for the day, I will reward myself with one chocolate gem — 3 carbs each.  Last night, though, I was at 25 carbs for the day, and decided I’d rather have ½ cup of plain yogurt (full fat, cream-top Brown Cow — YUM!) instead.  Six carbs. 

Snacks or meals that have really helped me push through:

1. Raw almonds.  These are ALWAYS a favorite of mine.  Two ounces contain 5 net carbs and 7 grams fiber.
2. Avocado.  I know I’ve already blogged about avocados, but it bears repeating.  Half of an avocado has about 1.5g net carbs and 5g dietary fiber.
3. Bone broth.  I know this sounds gross, but it is SO GOOD.  I’m not following a recipe.  I’m just chucking the bones (leftover/cooked and raw) from whatever I make into a pot and boil the heck out of it.  I make sure it boils about 3x/daily, for a good long time.  This way, the nutrition — protein from gelatin as well as minerals — is transferred to the broth, and no pathogens can grow.  I’m considering using my old Crockpot as a dedicated bone broth cooker, letting it go 24/7, but I don’t like the idea of using up that much electricity.  My stove is gas, and I’d rather use the gas for fueling my bone broth.  Any time I want, I just serve myself up a mug (or two) of broth, mixing in 1/2 tsp or so of sea salt (to which I always add iodine-rich Kelp Granules).
4. Raw veggies.  I love raw veggies anyway.  Cauliflower, broccoli, garden tomatoes…  all low carb.  I know, tomatoes are supposedly high-carb, but 100g raw tomatoes (about 5 cherry tomatoes) have only 3g carbs and 1g fiber.  The only thing I miss is some kind of dip.  I need to come up with a carb-friendly dip.
5. Vinegar drink.  I know this sounds gross, too, but it’s good.  And cheap.  Bragg’s sells 16 oz bottles of this stuff for $2.50+.  I make mine for virtually free.  One tablespoon raw, organic, unfiltered apple cider vinegar (right now, I’m using Solana Gold), a couple tiny scoops of stevia (I get my 622-serving container from Trader Joe’s for $10), and twice a day, I stir in the contents of a probiotic capsule.  I try to drink these on an empty stomach for maximum benefit.
6. Eggs, meat, and cheese.  All of these are highly satisfying, and carb-free (large eggs do have 0.4g carbs each).

I was going to put a note about Fiala’s NMD prescribing the wrong kind of Nystatin (sucrose-containing liquid, which is for oral thrush, not systemic Candidiasis, for which plain, powdered Nystatin is appropriate).  I guess I just did.  That isn’t resolved yet;  I’ll let you know how that goes.  However, the topical Nystatin is working fairly well, especially on her chin.

Small Fiala update

Went to the NMD today for Fiala.  She said that there are 7-8 paths she’s considering pursuing for Fi, but we’ll take it in manageable chunks, rather than all at once.  For now, we are…

• Going to do Nystatin for yeast overgrowth, internally and topically, for a month, in addition to the no-sugar, apple cider vinegar and probiotic-enhanced more-restricted than ever diet I have Fi on.
• Still pursuing a possible diabetes diagnosis, though the initial urinalysis showed no glucose dumping.  We’re going to have her undergo some more specialized testing…  She said that Type 1 and a kind I’d never heard of, diabetes insipidus, are still possibilities.
• We’ll very likely be seeing a pediatric endocrinologist, both for the diabetes issue and for possible hypothyroidism.
• We’re starting homeopathic graphites up again, which I’d dropped when Fi broke out badly a couple of weeks ago…  I thought it was a possible reaction to the graphites.  It probably isn’t.  You never know….
• Fiala is going to have some bloodwork done.  Not sure what all that is for…  I’ll have to Google to find out what each test is for.

Other than yeast, absolutely nothing is certain…  we’re just trying to pinpoint and rule things out.  I’m really comfortable with this protocol.  It’s not too invasive, but it feels like it’s on the right track.  Not too little, not too much.

Stuff that is interesting to me. :D And hopefully to you.

• For those of you curious — or even better, praying — my mom was moved yesterday to a rehabilitation hospital.  While there, she will receive 3+ daily hours of various kinds of therapy — occupational therapy, physical therapy, in addition to respiratory therapy and whatever else is deemed helpful.  So, her stay in the “normal” hospital was just under two weeks, which is better than pretty much everyone anticipated.  For those of you who are praying, please continue to do so, especially for my mother’s mind.  Her memory is shoddy, her processing very childlike, and while she knows she isn’t as sharp as she once was — and she once was VERY sharp! — it is quite an adjustment for both herself and those who love her.  We’re hoping that the general befuddlement is primarily caused by the abundance of meds she is taking, and not anything more permanent.
• This past spring, I checked out several books from the library on homeschooling high schoolers.  I read none of them.  I don’t even think I really flipped through any, not with anything resembling thoroughness.  I did get a printout from my local school district about graduation requirements, and have roughly — very roughly — mapped out a Plan of Action in my head.  And, I’m coming up with a more structured grading system for Ethan, my freshman.  None of this has been any kind of difficult.  It dawned on my yesterday, though, why homeschooling for high school can be so daunting:  There aren’t any do-overs.  I take a very spiraling approach:  We cover various topics repeatedly, with increasing complexity.  If my third grader doesn’t “get it”, who cares?  We have fourth, fifth, sixth… for him to learn.  Now that my oldest son is in 9th grade, though, I am really getting a sense of, “The buck stops here.”  We can’t pass on anything.  We can’t just say, “We’ll try again next semester.  Next year.  A couple-three years down the road.”  There are certain things he’s expected — and beyond that, things he needs — to learn for each year of high school, and if we run out of time at the end of the day, when do we make it up?  I still haven’t figured that out entirely.
• Motivated Moms.  I’ve been doing this scheduling system for a bit more than a month.  And while I have yet to actually accomplish in a week all that my schedule is telling me I’m to accomplish, I’m still getting way more done around the house than I had previously.  Not only has it produced a better organized and cleaner home, but having my daily list of things to do has nearly done away with that really debilitating feeling of, “I am barely keeping my nose above water!”  That alone makes it worth it.
• My garden is still producing really big plants that bear no fruit.  Or very little fruit.  Still…  I’m persisting, and hopefully, learning more, week by week.  I keep losing seedlings, though.  Here in the Phoenix area, September has been unseasonably, miserably hot (minus the last two days, which haven’t hit 100°, bless God); daily highs have been in the 105°-110° range.  This means that any seed that is directly sown into the garden needs to be moistened 4-5 times DAILY so that the sprout doesn’t die.  And, forget one time, or be away from home too long, and you lose your 15 linear feet of carrots.    So, I think I’ll hold off from seeding anything additional for another couple weeks.
• Taboo Crunchy Subjects.  Thank you, Mama Birth, for blogging my thoughts.  I don’t agree 100% with her assessments, but like her, I have noticed an increasing level of both fear and inflexible vociferousness in the supposedly touchy-feely natural-living/crunchy community.  It’s a bit disheartening, I must admit.  Personally, it is my goal to be a leader, to have some hills on which I’m willing to die, to have some moral absolutes, to learn from others’ mistakes and my own, to continually go “further up and further in“, YET NOT BE A JERK.  Even better than that, to be actually loving.  AND, to not be motivated by fear. (Which is a whole ‘nother topic in itself, and one on which I keep meaning to blog, but the whole subject would be such a huge one for me to tackle, I don’t know if I have the time or the emotional fortitude to do it justice.)  I don’t know if I’m achieving that balance, but it’s my goal.

An update on my Mom

First, I want to thank everyone for their prayers for my mother.  With family, friends, church family, friends of friends, kind strangers, and untold others, I think there were a good three hundred people praying for her, at least.  I really, truly, deep in my heart do not think the results would have been as spectacular without all of that prayer, covering a dear and needy woman, guiding and perfecting the movements of the surgeons’ hands, sustaining and inspiring everyone involved.

Her spinal surgery ended up being a 14 hour ordeal… 30 pins, an unknown amount of rods… she has extreme — EXTREME — scoliosis.  Her upper back was hunched over, her whole upper body was tilted to the right, most of her lumbar are fused into a lump, her entire trunk had collapsed so thoroughly that the bones of her ribcage were resting ON her pelvis — her waist was entirely gone.

 

Dr. John Ehteshami of Phoenix Orthopaedic Consultants

Dr. John Ehteshami was her main surgeon, and man! I want to hug him.  I didn’t, but maybe I should have.  After he came out of surgery at 10:15 last night to update those waiting (four family members and four people from her church), he was almost giddy, the fruit of a successful job, I suppose.    He was also excited about making a real difference in her life, and talked with the family for a good 20 or 25 minutes, answering questions, detailing the improvements he was able to bring to my mother, and discussing difficulties, including the road ahead.

Dr. Ehteshami said that everything went as well or better than expected, and that peripherally — everything outside of her back, like lungs, heart, and arteries and veins (she has extremely weak veins and arteries from Marfan Syndrome, and has already had three major aneurysm surgeries) — was great.  He straightened her thorax nearly completely — no more hunch.  The fused lumbar, he couldn’t do anything with.  But, he was able to bring her into vertical alignment;  she won’t lean over anymore.  He was able to reconstruct and raise her whole trunk so that it isn’t sitting on her hips any longer.  Once she can stand, she will be numerous inches taller — height regained.

That is fabulous.  As recently as Friday, one of her doctors (there are a good six or seven involved in her care) was adamant that she not have the surgery.  He told her flat out — mincing no words — that she would die on the operating table.  Bless God, though that was a possibility, she did not!!  My Mom just did not think that her path was to sit back and just exist as best she could (“two years, at most” was this doctor’s estimation), simply seeking palliative care, waiting for death, when there was something she could DO, even if it was risky.  Though the real risk of losing her in surgery loomed over the heads of all of her family, we just knew that she was right — she had to try.  We had to let her do all she could.  And, she was feisty enough to prove that negative pronouncement wrong.

She has a long road to recovery;  she is still in ICU, intubated, right now, and will likely be in the hospital for about six weeks.  It’s still a serious business.  But, she is over at least one HUGE hurdle that some said she shouldn’t even try.

My stepdad, sister, and myself were finally able to see her close to 11:30 last night.  Our visit was brief, and my mom was completely unaware.  But, it was reassuring just to see her face (VERY swollen from being face-down for 14 hours), kiss her brow, and see her frail frame — thin and STRAIGHT and appearing very long under the sheet, with her feet bumping up the covers in a line entirely perpendicular with the rest of her body.  It was surreal.

I am very relieved, very pleased, very happy.

Bless God.

Embracing the pain (sort of)

If you’re here for the recipes, you may just wanna skip this post.

The more I think about it — and I’m thinking about it a LOT lately — there are so many incredible parallels between natural childbirth and our walk in relationship with our Creator.

Something that has been percolating through my thoughts is the idea put forward in this verse:

To the woman He said,
“I will greatly multiply
Your pain in childbirth,
In pain you will bring forth children…” (Genesis 3:16a)

There is the idea floating about, in some Christian circles that a woman just MUST birth in pain;  it’s part of the price she pays for the fall of man, the sinful nature, the original sin of Adam and Eve, et al.

I’m not saying that childbirth is or even should be 100% pain-free — though I’ve heard of pain-free births, I’ve not experienced any.

HOWEVER.  I think the focus on the pain misses the point.

In Christ, there is never purposeless pain.  GOD DOESN’T JUST HURT US TO HURT US.  Ever.  I’m not saying that God’s ways are entirely pain-free.  Until we get to heaven, there simply IS going to be pain, as part of our lives here in on earth.  However, our God isn’t sitting up there in heaven saying, “You’re in pain?  You deserve it.  Ha ha.  Part of the Fall, baby!!  It’s the price you pay.”

Every trial we endure — no matter what kind — even if not directly ordained by God (though some are!), can ALWAYS be ultimately beneficial for us as His children.  Always.  God isn’t a masochist.  The pain He allows us to go through will — if we submit to His ways and if we’re intent on gaining HIM in the process — produces a “harvest of blessing” if we don’t try to opt out of the trial, or circumvent His process, seek a shortcut, or try to… self-medicate, rather than lifting our heads to look squarely in His face and say to Him, “What are you trying to teach me, Father?”  If, instead, during difficult times, we yield completely to Him, and allowing Him to teach us, to bring us closer to His heart, to — for our own benefit — prune sin or dysfunction or destructive behavior from our lives, we’re ALWAYS better off in the end.  His ways have an end, and the end is GOOD.

He disciplines those He loves.  I’m not suggesting that birthing a child is discipline or God correcting us…  But the experience of birth can DEFINITELY be used by Him to perfect us in His love — our experience of His love for us, our love for our husband, our love for our newborn, our love as a family, our love for Him…

I posted recently on I John 4:18a (NASB) “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear…”  But, I want to take this a step further.  I know that the Amplified Version makes for awkward reading, but hang with me here:

There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection].  I John 4:18 (AMP)

What I suggest, and what the very end of the Amplified Version of this verse is saying is that, when we walk in fear of punishment (i.e., God is out to get us, God just wants to hurt us because we have it coming to us), that perspective is based out of a lack of understanding of His love.  “…he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love.”

GOD LOVES US.  He really does.  And when we see birthing as an extension of His love — even when it involves pain — and instead of being afraid of the pain, choose to embrace His process, and trust Him completely, we will then reap the fruit.  In terms of natural childbirth, the “fruit” doesn’t just refer to the baby, but (among other benefits):

• Feeling profoundly grateful to Him
• Closer to our husband and more appreciative of him
• In awe of our Father God’s creative power working through us
• An overwhelming experience in delighted love
• A profound sense of a job well-done
• Optimal physical health (natural birthing is better for both mother and baby)
• Creating an amazing experience for EVERYONE who witnesses or participates in the birth
• And a billion other things, most of which you could not anticipate or appreciate beforehand, but just have to experience to believe and understand.

In short (or, shortish), PLEASE don’t just brace yourself for pain and think that pain is just “meant to be”.  Embrace the process, even if the process involves pain.

Next up (as soon as I can get it written down, in my spare time between tending to my home, homeschooling four of my five children, baking the perfect gluten-free loaf… ):  why just “getting through” labor short-sells you as a mother.

 

Would you travel to a foreign land with no preparation? (An allegory of natural birth.)

Picture by Nigel Richardson

Imagine yourself:

• Landing at the airport of a foreign country, to which you’ve never been.
• Your husband is with you, but he’s never been there, either.
• Neither of you speak the language of the country.
• You have a destination that is off the beaten track;  only a very small percentage — maybe 3-4% — of tourists each year visit your chosen destination.  You’ve heard that it’s a beautiful place, well-worth seeing, but a hard journey to get there.
• You have no maps.
• You have no personal guide.
• You’re not familiar with the city at all — you don’t know the streets or even how the transportation system or even where to go for help.
• A vast majority of those around you don’t really care if you reach your destination.
• Worse, many of these strangers seem antagonistic of your efforts and seem to be sabotaging your efforts to reach your destination, and continually try to steer you to a different place.  “I don’t understand why you want to go there.  It’s not really worth it.  Why don’t you go here, instead?”

This is the picture I get in my mind of too many women who want a natural birth.  They have heard that it’s a fabulous destination.  But, they may or may not even know anyone who has reached it.  They just have the desire to go there.

Now… might the above travelers reach their destination?  Yes, they might.  If they stumble upon a kind and helpful stranger, or perhaps if they’re really hard-headed and determined and are able to stand firm in the face intense opposition.

But, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “I wanted to have a natural delivery, but…”  Then, the mother finishes story with a heartbreaking account of unintentionally poor — almost always avoidable — choices which almost always reveal a lack of adequate planning and usually non-existent support.

When you step onto a bus in a foreign land with a desire — yet no other preparation — to reach a particular destination, though you may eventually reach where you desire, it’s much more likely that you’ll end up in some other place, perhaps the exact place that you did not want to go.  You many even end up being poorly treated, leaving you with memories that make you cringe with regret for literally the rest of your life.

Now, it’s also possible that even with a thorough education, perfect planning, supportive and helpful people around you that you still may not reach your desired destination.  But, your chances of reaching that gorgeous glade of ecstatic achievement, rest, beauty, intense emotions, and alert and glorious health are MUCH, MUCH higher with good planning than without.

Though this may sound harsh and perhaps even unbelievable, especially to a first-time mom, simply a desire to birth naturally almost never translates into an actual natural birth…    You can’t just want it.  You have to educate yourself, starting with being aware that what you want is something that 95% of mothers in the United States never do.  Of the 5% or so who do birth naturally, a percentage or two of those were unintentional — usually fast labors, arriving at the hospital too late for an epidural.  In this country’s highly medicalized hospital culture, most women — and even most health professionals — don’t recognize the physical and emotional benefits — for both baby and mom — of natural birth.  It’s messy.  It’s hard.  It’s unpredictable.  It’s intense.  Emotional.  It can be draining for everyone around a naturally laboring woman, not just the mother herself.  It’s just a hard path that most people don’t choose, so a mother choosing to birth naturally MUST realize that she is completely swimming upstream, and has to prepare herself in every way, be convinced of the benefits of natural birth, and commit herself to the process.

It IS possible.  I’ve done it five times.  My own dear friend Nicole just birthed a baby yesterday evening in a hospital with even more abysmal statistics than most:  98% of laboring women (minus the planned c-sections) birth with an epidural.  However, she not only desired a natural birth;  she was determined, and planned to make it happen.  She read books.  She watched videos.  She talked to everyone she knew who had had a natural birth, gleaning insight and tucking advice away into her heart.  She hired a well-recommended doula, who was great.  Her husband was 100% on board.  She chose an OB whom she knew (through the recommendation of another naturally laboring mother) was very supportive of natural birth, and discussed her plans with him beforehand, and re-discussed them, and re-discussed them, making certain that he wasn’t going to pull a “bait and switch” — talking reassuringly, but then not supporting her efforts.  In other words, she not only had sight of the goal, she knew what she was up against, and she prepared accordingly.  And just a few hours after she arrived at the hospital, her 7 lb 11 oz son was born, 100% naturally — not induced, no meds, no interventions.  She DID IT.  Even though she ended up with a nurse who was not really supportive — which can really be an obstacle — she and those around her were prepared, and the nurse didn’t become a deterrent to the process.

So can you, anyone who is reading this.  You REALLY CAN.  You just have to prepare.  Know WHY you want to go there.  Know the lay of the land you’ll be visiting.  Read the visitor guides beforehand.  Practice at least a few key phrases.  Discuss your travel plans with those who have been there before, taking their instruction and suggestions to heart.  Consider hiring a guide.  Know the way:  know which roads to take, and which to avoid.  Limit the access you give, in your mind, and in your physical presence, to naysayers.

And then when you DO arrive, bask in it, knowing you’ve done a hard job well.

Galty Mountains, County Tipperary, photo by TJ Tierney

 

Just about everything but parenting

• Writing:  If you have read here for a while, you may remember that much of my 2010 and part of 2011 was taken up with ghostwriting a book.  The book is now available for sale — here at Brushed by God — and soon elsewhere. 
• School:  During the school year, it seems like a genius plan to work for six weeks then take off a week.  With these regular breaks, my house gets clean, special trips happen, everyone breathes a deep breath.  But, ’round about this time of year, when just about everyone else is done with school and we still have four weeks left, it seems less than brilliant.  We’re not finished until June 10.
• Garden:  Thanks to repaired irrigation tubing and some short, cute fencing, my garden now really looks like a garden, according to my husband who blessedly did the irrigation and fence work.    However, the fence does not keep out our dog, who has an odd — and maddening — affinity for corn plants.  My corn, some of them 18″ high, does not like it, either.  The garden sits in a side yard, and we may have to run a sturdier barrier from house to side-fence to make the garden dog-proof.  Otherwise, the garden is taking spectacular shape.
• Fitness:  I am now feeling stronger after nearly three weeks of hiking 3.5 miles, three times a week.  This makes me happy.  My “fat” jeans are looser, too, even though I’ve really lost no weight.  I guess that’s from muscle gain?  I don’t know.
• 

  My bodybuilding cousin Romney, military wife and mother of two.

  Random extended family thoughts:  I’ve been reflecting on how widely differing my extended family is.  It’s really a cross-section of American society in general…  Just amongst my cousins (including both sides of my family), one is a nun, one is gay, another just placed fourth in a body-building competition — it has been interesting to watch her really transform in the last 18 months,  one is a single dad, one lives in a neo-hippie commune, one is teaching English in Japan, one is a theater professor, some are academics, some are blue-collar workers, some are Christians (in various manifestations), some are pagan, some are married, some not…  Lots of really disparate interests and paths of life.  I find it really fascinating.  Are most families similar to mine in their dissimilarities??  I don’t think there’s enough closeness in my extended family, and I’m sure there’s some cause-and-effect somewhere in there, but I’m not sure of the root…  I’m sure I’m part of the problem, too, sadly.

• Church stuff:  Over the summer, I’ll be attending a Beth Moore Bible study (the updated version of Breaking Free).  Yesterday, my pastor’s wife asked me if I would, during one of the weeks’ meetings, give a little testimony based on the story I wrote last week, on the story of my son Wesley’s life, and how God really saved my life (literally) through him, when I thought it would kill me.  I was really pleased with her request.  I printed out and edited the original story because I have to hold it to seven minutes, which required me to cut it roughly in half.  That’s OK.  My writing is generally too bloated and filled with unnecessary asides, anyway.  I have pared. 
• Household stuff:  My hubby installed a “new” microwave over the weekend.  Our “old” one was just 5½ years old, but literally falling apart –  the vent broke off and had already been replaced (then broke again), the door handle completely broke off…  Replacing the door was going to cost us nearly $200.  Ack!  We couldn’t do that.  Thankfully, he works for a homebuilder, and we were able to get one out of a model home for less than half of retail.  Cool!  So, it’s five years old or so, but it’s never been used.  A friend of ours has the same model and is very happy with it.  I now have to figure out how best to clean stainless steel, as it is the first stainless appliance in our home.  Small complaint, though;  I’m happy to have a functional microwave.
• Birds:  A Northern Cardinal (and today, his mate) has been visiting my back yard for the last three mornings.  Cardinals are not rare in the Phoenix area, but they are uncommon, and in the 5+ years we’ve been in our home, this is the first time that we’ve had a daily visitor.  Mr. Cardinal has pleasantly interrupted my mornings. 
• Other cardinals:  My husband was asked to design a home — like a manse — for a cardinal in California.  I’m very proud of him.  It’s a modest 1600 s.f. house on a very narrow lot.  My man is brilliant and thinks in 3D.  He whipped out the plan in one day.
• My mother:  In sad news, my mom is back in the hospital.  I can’t remember how much I blogged about it last year, but in July, we nearly lost her.  She has Marfan Syndrome, and her skeleton is collapsing, which has given her decreased space for her lungs (and other organs).  Additionally, half of her diaphragm is paralyzed.  Then, she got double pneumonia.  She recovered, to our great relief.  She is a stubborn lady, and that can pay dividends when fighting illness.  She has lost a tremendous amount of weight and is very frail, and has been placed on oxygen “as needed”.  In the last month or so, her need for oxygen has been 24/7, with her oxygen saturation dipping into the 60% range or even down to 50% if she’s off of oxygen for even a short while.  After a doctor appointment yesterday, the doctor sent her straight to the E.R.  She has double pneumonia again, and is correspondingly hypoxic.  She was supposed to have major surgery (an estimated 12 hour ordeal) on the 25th of this month to resection her spine and to put in metal supports inside her ribcage area.  This is a risky procedure even for a healthy person;  for her, the doctors had given about a 60% chance for surviving surgery, mostly because of the extremely mushy shape of her arteries — she’s had two AAA repairs and one femoral artery replaced already due to aneurysms.  However, the surgery is really her only hope — aside from miraculous healing — for longer-term survival, since right now, she’s slowly being suffocated.  With this bout of pneumonia, the doctors have indefinitely shelved the surgery.  She’s crushed about that, but — unlike past stays — she’s relieved to be back in the hospital.  Normally, she is an unwilling patient.  I can’t decide if it’s a good thing or not that she’s happy to be in the hospital.  Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.