Daily Archives: January 29, 2007
Last Sunday night, and this one just past, I caught about half of the four hours total of the PBS Masterpiece Theater’s presentation of Jane Eyre. Having never read the book, I was startled at the introduction of a character named St. John (“sinjin”). In college, I had a relationship with a guy of that name, which, unless one follows professional volleyball, one doesn’t come across much this side of the Atlantic. St. John was probably, out of my far-too-many boyfriends, the nearest my heart was ever towards. Jane’s St. John and mine were/are quite dissimilar, but there are some parallels that I’ve been pondering today, somewhat. What it comes down to is that if I had — as Jane might have — ‘settled’ for St. John, I would have missed out on my precious, strong, kind, loving Mr. Rochester. (I say ‘settled’ because it’s theoretical. My St. John never proposed marriage; I doubt that would ever have happened, as he was somewhat opposed to the whole basic idea.) But, both Jane & I ended up with the right man; she, thanks to Charlotte Bronte, and me, thanks to the grace of God.
It used to trouble me greatly that St. John occasionally pops up in my dreams. There, we are always most intimate of friends, absolutely comfortable in each other’s presence, inevitably having some deep, heart-felt conversation, and always sharing a very sweet –but nearly platonic — kiss on the lips. IOW, the St. John of my dreams was a highly-idealized version of the real-life man, and our dream-relationship a highly-idealized version of what the apparently-the-most-valuable-to-me-part-of-our IRL relationship had been. I came to realize (shown by God, perhaps) that every time Sinj shows up in my dreams that it is an indication that the friendship between my husband and myself is in need of tending, as it is leaving something(s) to be desired. So, upon awakening, instead of pining for that previous friendship, and instead of being embarrassed for dreaming of old boyfriends, I now set myself to the enjoyable task of nuturing the friendship of my husband and myself, bringing into reality that which my dreaming self is longing for.
I hope my library gets the DVD of Jane Eyre quickly; I’d like to see the whole thing.