…so how does a mom of four get some real privacy?

She goes to church when no one is there.  Of course, she has to have a key, and the alarm code, so that doesn’t work for everyone, but it worked for me!

I’ve had a lot on my heart, a lot of thoughts tumbling about my mind.  Confusion and depression were at the threshhold, and I didn’t want those to take hold and set up camp, so I needed to *really* meet with God, without self-consciously wondering who was listening on the other side of the door.  So, to church I went.  I was able to pray out loud, to play my guitar and sing worship songs, to spew tears and snot freely. 😀

On the downside, I was surprised at how much fear I had, being there from 9-10:20 at night, like some bad guy was going to bust the door down, or be waiting for me in the parking lot.  I wrestled through that, though, and it ended up not distracting me much at all.

I was also a little surprised, because I thought that there’d be instant presence of God, there at the altar, and it wasn’t quite like that.  I had to work a bit to clear my mind, to focus my thoughts and attention on Him.  It didn’t take long to get dialed in. 

I left feeling purged, happier, freer, more at rest, calmer, and less fatalistic about things in general.  Just voicing my worship, and verbally laying out my thoughts, feelings, concerns, commitments and hopes sorted them out profoundly.

I have wanted, many times before, to go to the church and do that, but I never have.  I’m thinking it now may be a semi-regular event for me. 

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About Karen Joy

I'm a partially-homeschooling mother of six -- 3 boys ages 19, 17 and 15 years old, and three girls: 11, 8, and 3. I like birding, reading, writing, organic gardening, singing, playing guitar, hiking, the outdoors, and books. I very casually lead a very large group of homeschooling families in the Phoenix area. I have a dear hubby who designs homes for a local home builder and who is the worship pastor of our church. I live in the desert, which I used to hate, but now appreciate.

Posted on September 8, 2007, in Christian Living, Christianity, God/Christianity/Church, Vineyard, Vineyard Phoenix. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I was caught by your comment that you thought that there’d be the “instant presence of God”. That makes such sense to me. I was brought up to believe that churches were holy, and I’m sure they are sometimes, but since we live in the days with the Holy Spirit residing in US, then that changes the whole mentality. How wonderful that you don’t have to ‘go there’ in order to feel Him working in you.

    It’d be so wonderful to go to a place that just felt Godly, but maybe that’s not so anymore.

    Just rambling. Glad you had your quiet time, and I’m sure that refreshment will last a bit for you. Smart girl!

  2. Glad you got ahold of Him. I find that it is really hard to have time and space to pray.

  3. True blessing to be able to feel His presence and payers for God’s leading, guidance and wisdom.

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