When blogging doesn’t work. And, kinship worship.

A while back, a fellow blogger wrote that she could, basically, be a lot more honest, funny, sarcastic, and deep if no one she actually knew read her blog.  Lately, I’ve been feeling similarly.  Certainly, one’s relationships should take precedence over one’s blog.  One doesn’t post in anonymity.  That’s why I still journal some, and would be journaling more, if only my day had an extra hour or two that everyone else’s didn’t.

I’ve thought about it a lot, and really, blogs are primarily limited to one’s own experiences and thoughts, and mostly when those experiences and thoughts don’t disclose the private hearts of friends and family.

In essence, if I value relationship (and I do), my world about which I can blog is really limited, since so much of my own life is entwined with others’.

~sigh~

But, my heart is heavy.  About something I’m not at liberty to blog about.

I’m going to kinship tonight, which is good.  It’s so good to learn, worship, hear from God and just hang out with other believers.

Actually, in a topic only tangentially related, I have found out this week that I am going to start leading worship in a kinship.  I’m very excited about that.

It all started last week.  I normally go to kinship on Tuesdays.  But, last Tuesday, I wasn’t able to go.  On Thursday, Martin said to me, “Why don’t you go to Doug’s kinship tonight?”  I responded, “Fantastic idea.  I am so there.”  I went, and later that night, when I was asking Doug if his kinship was typically busting at the seams, as it was that night with 24 people, he said that yes, it was, and the kinship would be multiplying soon, within a couple of weeks.  I figured who the new leader would be.  I asked him who was going to host it.  He didn’t know.  I asked who the worship leader was going to be.  He said, “At this point, we’re just going to sing to CDs.  I don’t have anyone!”  I offered, “At this point, I’m only making it to kinship every other week or so, so I don’t know if I’m the most reliable resource.  But, if Martin is willing to work with me to make it happen, I could lead.”  Doug really liked that idea.

That night, I asked Martin, and he said — I think this is a quote — “Don’t even go there.”  So, I didn’t.  I have learned that my husband’s first response to a challenging question is typically, “No.”  But, once he stews on it, he frequently changes his mind.

I didn’t bring it up again until Doug called me on Monday, saying, “Well, Martin approached me yesterday about you leading kinship worship…” to which my jaw dropped.  I thought maybe Doug was mistaken, but he wasn’t.  I guess it’s that Martin weighed his responsibilities as the worship leader — and, really, wanting to see people have the opportunity to truly worship, and worshiping as a group to CDs isn’t really effective — and as a husband who would miss his wife for certain one night every week, with the added time-consumer of baseball upon us, and having a nursing baby, and everything else.

Anyways… Doug’s normal worship leader, Mike, is unavailable the next two weeks and Martin was going to sub for him (in addition to the Wednesday nights he leads in another kinship).  But, we all decided yesterday that it would be a good intro if I led tonight, instead.  So, I  am.  I might lead in the same kinship next week.  Then, the following week, as the plan goes, the new kinship will start up.

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About Karen Joy

I'm a partially-homeschooling mother of six -- 3 boys ages 19, 17 and 15 years old, and three girls: 11, 8, and 3. I like birding, reading, writing, organic gardening, singing, playing guitar, hiking, the outdoors, and books. I very casually lead a very large group of homeschooling families in the Phoenix area. I have a dear hubby who designs homes for a local home builder and who is the worship pastor of our church. I live in the desert, which I used to hate, but now appreciate.

Posted on February 19, 2009, in Family, Friendships, Sad Things, Vineyard Phoenix, Worship. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Spill the beans. If it is sad or bad we will pray for you. Blogs can be sources of support, and friendship far away. I follow a blog of someone adopting out of Ukrane right now, she shares the ups and downs and I pray and see with my very eyes thru her pictures God answers. Then again, I support your decision to not tell us too. Love your way, I am facing my own giants right now.

  2. And congrats on the kinship gig, take the baby and someone will hold her I am sure. You need not be sidelined.

  3. I understand you and your friend….trust me I do….I had even thought of doing an anonymous blog that didn’t allow comments to talk about things that I just needed to discuss, kwim?

    Anyhoo, that is awesome about worship at kinship and even more amazing how God has worked in and through hubby.

    Prayers for you!

  4. I’m sharing the heavy heart… and I can’t blog about it either. 🙂

    I’ve also thought about an anonymous blog but then that seems dishonest or something to me…and I fear that people I know would come across it and figure out that it was me.

  5. That is one of the reason mine doesn’t get too deep. My husband strictly forbade or blogging would be taken away (ok he isn’t that bad). But he doesn’t want to hurt anymore relationships than are already hurt (and no one seems to want to repair). Also he doesn’t want us getting ugly comments on our personal beliefs. he says I would take it personal and he is probably right. I would not rest until I proved them wrong.

    you know my email should you want to share. There is so much that I would love to post about but can’t and one of them is something I shared with you. I feel I would be judged very harshly by the one person that I want to mend a relationship with.

    Oh the trials of our life and the need to share and be understood and loved.

  6. glutenfree4goofs

    Yes the posting dilemma is a struggle, my blog is very allusive for that reason too. I am a conspiracy theorist though and I guess it is theraputic to write in a paper journal anyway, I just have to MAKE the time, which is a bit of a laugh! You know!

    About the kinship opportunity congrats! That is thrilling!
    Isn’t it wonderful when we say “no” then God says “GO” because we said “no” with the right heart! Did that make any sense? I just found myself in a similar situation on Thursday at our adult choir rehearsal. I’ve been visiting with a lady who was going to start up kids choir again but recently due to health issues is unable to do it. I was going to mentor under her but when she had to bow out I said “no” God, I can’t do that on my own and had a little panic so the department started searching for someone. I mentioned that I would do anything to help (not really thinking ANYTHING) and wa-la God said “GO” and now I’m going to head up kids choir with HIS help so I’m NOT on my own anyway! We serve an amazing God!

  7. “The girl voice of Addison Road” is my daughter! I’m like you like the way she sounds. As much as I love her voice, what I love most is that she lives out the faith she sings of.

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