Abigail, navel-gazing, and a picture!
Baby Abigail (my friend Erin’s baby) is still in the NICU. Her progress is like two steps forward, then one or two steps back. On Saturday, the docs said, “Looks like we can take her off of antibiotics soon! And oxygen! And move her down to Level II!” and we all got very happy and encouraged, but those predictions haven’t come to pass yet. And, this morning, she threw up everything that she’d been fed on Saturday (or, at least, she threw up a lot), so she’s back on IV feeding. They’re going to try again to feed her Erin’s milk (through a tube) tomorrow morning. Please pray for her digestive system; she needs to be able to hold food down and digest it.
I do have a long birth story that I wrote. It’s from my perspective as a friend and observer. But, obviously, the experience is inextricably tied to Erin’s… and, as she’s much more private than me, I submitted it to her for her editing/review. But, also obviously, she has a lot more on her plate right now than giving the thumbs up or down to a blog post of mine, so that may not hit the blog for some time, if ever.
I find that my happiness these last four days has been closely tied to Abigail’s progress. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad… If she’s doing better, I am elated. Then, she has a setback, and I’m crushed. If nothing else, it has caused me to spend a ton of time in prayer… my heart feels very tender towards God, very open, with all the continuing conversation… And, I feel even closer to my dear friend.
I did confess yesterday to Erin that I felt guilt for highly suggesting to her that she not induce. There were other factors involved that were totally outside of the control of either Erin or me or the doctor, things that there is absolutely no way we could have foreseen, nor prepared for, nor done differently to make it better. So, it’s not that I felt 100% responsible for things going awry. But, I did feel (still do, a little) responsible enough to feel miserably about it. Bless God, though, Erin is mature and reasonable and forgiving enough that she does not hold me responsible, and isn’t mad at me. I know it seems stupid to worry about my feelings when a baby’s health and the wholeness of a little family is at stake; I know that I’m just a small bit of the story, and part of me feels way too self-focused, like I need to get over myself. Still. I can’t help but have… my own perspective, my own feelings about the whole thing… and it was a great weight released off of my heart and shoulders when she released me from any guilt.
Here’s a pic I took yesterday:
So, my many thanks to the many of you — both friends and virtual strangers — who have commented here and/or sent me e-mails saying that you’re praying. Gary and Erin both said that they feel very covered in prayer, and I can’t tell you how full it makes my heart feel to know that just because I’ve posted some stuff here, that many of you are praying for the life of a dear baby whom you will never even see in real life. Amazing. Thank you, again.